We’ll update this post when the second half of the season drops on June 13.
The Bridgerton season two sex scenes
Episode one: (Rating on the “Does anyone have sex???” scale: 5/10)
Just before the 13-minute mark, a naked Sir Anthony Bridgerton climbs out of a bed shared with a woman who has clearly been following an excellent Curly Girl routine. Anthony’s muscles ripple beneath a half-extinguished candelabra. He turns and magnificent ass cheeks fill the screen. Take a good long look readers, because we will not be seeing ass again for approximately 12,733 more minutes. Shortly after this unfulfilling sexual congress (for Anthony and for us), the Viscount meets Kate Sharma in the woods. She is not like other girls! She is a hot and sexy horse girl.
Episode two: (3/10)
Fast breathing. Building toward a climax. Shrieks of anticipation. Is it sex? No! It’s Lord Bridgerton and Kate Sharma at a horse race.
Episode three: (5/10)
Twenty-five minutes into the episode, our favourite rivals have wandered into a secluded wood on the Bridgerton country estate to fetch a pair of balls. SEEMS PROMISING, DOES IT NOT? Kate gets stuck in a patch of mud and he has to try to wrench her out, but they both fall into the mess. “Ha ha ha!” they laugh. But soon, Anthony is lost in a reverie about witnessing his father’s death.
With five minutes left in the episode, the two of them are at it again, arguing in the garden, when a bee lands on Kate’s chest, nearly recreating the scene of Anthony’s father’s death. This instigates what can only be described as a very tender, erotic panic attack from Anthony, soothed by Kate. The tips of their noses touch; they are about to kiss. Instead, both parties run away, throw their bodies against hard surfaces, and pant excessively. Anthony, alarmed by his own desire, bites his own hand.
Episode four: (Ugh!/10)
Kate, once again determined to prove that she is not like other girls, goes hunting with the men. Anthony, equally determined to prove that he is exactly like other guys, spends the whole hunt lecturing her. Eventually, they get separated from the group, and he sort of upright-spoons her, unfortunately while trying to help her hold a gun. He lays his hand over her hand! (To hold the gun.) He turns his lips toward her cheek (To help guide her to shoot the gun.) He inhales her scent! (The gun drops.)
That night, awakened by a thunderstorm, the two chance upon each other in the library. An entire generation, conditioned by the iconic green dress sex scene in Atonement, waits. Nothing happens. The episode ends with another showdown in the library. If these people do not have sex soon it will be a medical emergency.
Episode five: (6/10)
At the 23-minute mark of episode five, Anthony holds Kate’s hand, ostensibly to help her out of a boat. He clearly doesn’t want to let go; when he does he is so distracted that he trips and falls into the lake. He emerges, white shirt soaked, looking like a Magic Mike XXL performer. At 43 minutes in, he gives a very sexy ASMR whispered rant about his desire to seduce her. Bridgerton is edging America.
Episode six: (Come on!/10)
The big action happens here at the 20-minute mark. The action is that Anthony and Kate eye-f*ck while Anthony is at the alter, about to marry her sister. Speaking as a sister: Don’t do this! There really is no need to involve your sister this deeply in your sex life. The two of you can just rock paper scissors or something. You could offer to trade her your Aritzia sweater for her fiancé! Or start the bargaining by saying that you’ll finally forgive her for that one thing she did in 2012 that you’re still mad about. Just be direct! None of this needs to happen.