Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas confirmed their divorce via Instagram with a screenshot that read: “After four wonderful years of marriage we have mutually agreed to amicably end our marriage. There are many speculative narratives as to why, but truly, this is a united decision and we sincerely hope everyone can respect our wishes for privacy for us and our children.”
Before this official announcement, crumbs of information were posted by TMZ that allegedly came from ‘sources’ close to the family (whatever that means), but whether this information is truthful isn’t really my issue. What has been most frustrating is the angle of these narratives and that someone – a PR company, or a person close to the couple – is pushing a sexist one; all reports are from Jonas’s perspective and cast him in a responsible and reasonable light while positioning Turner as an irresponsible young mother.
TMZ reported that Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas are divorcing because “she likes to party, he likes to stay at home. They have very different lifestyles”. Another headline reads “amid their separation, Joe Jonas has reportedly been caring for his two children with Sophie Turner ‘pretty much all of the time’ over the last three months, even while on tour”.
Recent pictures show Jonas eating lunch with his two young girls with the help of a nanny. It’s fair to say that had this latter headline been from the PR company or a source close to the mother, “caring for the kids” – a role treated as simultaneously critical yet unappreciated and discredited under patriarchy – wouldn’t have been held up as some sort of evidence of benevolence amid a divorce. Mother’s are expected to be the default carer for their children in ways fathers aren’t, and our sexist culture also struggles with the idea of a mother being a multi-faceted person who likes to party, because to exist outside of servitude is seen as an indictment of character in a way that, again, it isn’t with dads.
Sophie and Joe married when she was twenty three. A year later she was pregnant, and then two years after that she fell pregnant a second time. Now, I don’t know if you’ve been twenty three, but that is f****** young; I mean this woman had kids while her frontal lobe was finishing forming and partying is literally what your twenties are for. The sexism becomes excruciatingly clear (and a little stomach curdling) when you remember how a nineteen year old Joe Jonas asked Gigi Hadid – she has claimed – out at the Grammys when she was only thirteen years old and allegedly proceeded to give her mother Yolanda his number. They later dated when she was nineteen and he was twenty six (the exact same age gap as Sophie and Joe when they got together). Media coverage since has framed this interaction as some sort of adorable meet-cute. It is infuriating that behaviour like this by Jonas was written about with girlboss flavoured adoration yet Turner having drinks with friends is framed by tabloids as some sort of unbecoming indiscretion.
Unfortunately, though sexist and irresponsible media is absolutely disappointing and harms us by feeding a socialised view of how people ‘should’ behave because of their gender, it is expected. Why would we ever be surprised? Tabloids have, and will, always objectify women and use sexism to generate debate. The silver lining for me though – which has been heartwarming to witness – has been the reaction to the media’s framing of this divorce; instantly Twitter became alight with feminist analysis of how the story is being constructed to favour one party and denigrate another with users rallying around Turner; “mad how often these attempted hatchet jobs make the target seem quite sound” wrote Twitter user Tom Williams.
There’s a sense that we are becoming more literate in the gender double standards the media weaponises in order to protect dominant narratives, and we are calling it out much quicker and more often than we may have before, which gives me heart. And long may it continue, because the girl who parties, has a career she loves, is a parent (and is a lot of fun) sounds like exactly someone I’d love to hang out with.